Personal Development: Be accepting of other people’s reality

Most of the time personal awareness – and consequently personal development – helps manage and resolve conflicts. Accepting other people’s reality is something that can not only transcend conflict but also lead to a more harmonious life.

Conflict management through acceptance

Transcending conflict

A recurring theme when people disagree is that one person does not accept another person’s version of events. They reach a stalemate when the conclusion is ‘you are lying’. In reality there often is no single truth, just different people’s experiences. We can live through exactly the same event and have a different experience of it but it seems hard for us to accept this when we are in disagreement with somebody.

The myriad ways in which we take meaning from what we encounter and how we process and remember that is down to a complicated combination of neurology and past experiences. If acceptance of other people’s reality was a starting point it would make life so much easier but we get stuck in the paradigm that one thing must be true and another thing false. We think that if we accept the other person’s reality we accept their experience as the ‘truth’.

Other people’s reality is simply their reality and we can be as accepting of it as we are of our own.

Be curious about their experience, their interpretation, how did they come to see it that way? Can you put yourself in their shoes and see why they might think what they think? Go on a journey of exploration together to explore your different experiences.

Beyond conflict

Trying to understand a different perspective and reflecting on your own leads to understanding and harmony. Standing stoically behind your own perspective with no openness to reflect or hear a different view leads to misunderstanding and conflict. If acceptance and openness is your starting point you have got a much greater chance of being able to appreciate each other.

Personal development through acceptance

Accept people as they are and find the points where you can connect rather than looking for where you disagree. Your acceptance can be transformational both for your experience and for the relationship. People respond more positively to acceptance than they do to resistance, judgements and dismissiveness.

• What are you trying to protect by being closed to an alternative view?
• What are you afraid of?
• Does resisting really serve your life positively?

Ask yourself these questions and begin to accept other people’s reality. Allow yourself to evolve, experience relational clarity, watch conflicts resolve and enjoy the benefits of a more harmonious life.

Personal Awareness: Accept whatever you are doing

If you are at all like me or most other people, then you probably spend some time resisting, consciously or unconsciously what you are doing. You can get caught in a battle between what you want to be doing and what you are doing. This is a bit like driving a car with the brake on, there is forward movement but resistance to it at the same time. That certainly isn’t good for your car and neither is it good for you. It is stressful, draining and leads to disconnection from the present moment.

Developing personal awareness through acceptance

Acceptance is the first step in developing personal awareness, otherwise we are just kidding ourselves. Holding our breath until miraculously something changes. Acceptance forces us to face reality but we resist it because we confuse acceptance with resignation to something we don’t want to be resigned to, being stuck with something we don’t want to be stuck with. We would rather avoid facing the reality of our current experience than confront it head on.

Only when we fully accept can there be an opening for change. The extraordinary thing is that when we do fully accept, there may no longer be a need for change. It is often our resistance to the present moment that causes dissatisfaction.

Accept whatever you are doing

Try to accept whatever you are doing, whether that is a regular task that you resist doing or a whole job you rail against internally.

If you are doing something, accept that you are doing it in the moment that you are doing it. Totally experience what you are doing, don’t do it begrudgingly.

Awareness give you options

Developing personal awareness allows you to identify the ‘resistance’.

It could be that your resistance is a sign that it is time for a change but then you need to assess your options and not just endure.

To paraphrase Eckhart Tolle you have three options.

1. You can change the situation.
2. You can remove yourself from it.
3. You can completely accept it.

Anything else leads to frustration and unhappiness.

If you would like to change or remove yourself from the situation but there does not appear to be an option for that right now, then take responsibility for the choice you are making and completely accept it, don’t carry on with resistance.

Acceptance is a transformational process it will change your present moment experience and could well create an opening for wider change.
Try it and see.